So I kinda forgot I had this blog...

Miss me? I dont know how I remembered or why I started again. I think I just wanted to type. Or maybe my unconscience self wanting to get my feelings out. Why don't I catch you, the internet, up on my life. Not that you care. And frankly, why would you? But thats the beauty of the internet. No one cares but we share everything anyway. So literally you can know anything and everything becasue of the internet. It's all our self centered human nature - that we think people care. That's why we have facebook with 400 friends when we only actually talke to 5 of them and twitters where we follow 212 people and only get followed back by 6. And blogs with zero followers and zero that we follow back. It's easier than keeping a dairy and far less cliche and tween-girl of us.  But anyway....

I have graduated and had a whirlwind summer. I think I feel in love. But it was a one way street as I watched him date someone else i cared about greatly. And he broke her heart. I went to college. I went through all the homesickness and the missing old friends, making new friends, and adjusting to a new life. But now I am home on winter break and have had far to much time to think about everything, and put my old life and new life on a scale to compare and contrast. I can't decide which one is better. And I really don't know if either of them are. Is there a third life, after college? my working life. Is that supposed to be the best? People used to say high school would be the best four years. They then said the same about college. Will they say the same about the first four years of working and truly being on my own? Maybe people just keep saying that because they don't really know. We go by increments of four and just keep saying the next four will be the best until we run out...

I just want to do something. Something fun. And exciting. I'm waiting for something in my life to change.. I dont know why by I feel like its going to. Something is gonna happen. What is it? Why do I feel like this? I feel like the post high school nostalgia is coming on so hard right now. Like I'm trying to move on but something is still holding me back. Something is coming. I feel it in my gut. Woman's intuition, right? Is that true? I wish I knew what was coming. I just need a clue about what it is. I need to know. I hate not knowing. That's how I've always been.

Maybe I read to many novels with fantasy or perfect romances or watch to many movies, or daydream too much. Can you day dream too much? Seriously - what is normal, becasue lately I have been questioning why I have such strong vivid inner fantasies going on all the time. Like my mind is literally never in the room I am. I'm waiting for that fantasy to happen. Just one of them. Something to make me feel like being around is worth it. Is something coming to make that happen?

I'm not suicidal or anything, although this obnoxiously long post certainly makes me sound like it. I'm just waiting.

On a side note - Just becasue it's Hannah Montana doesn't mean it's bad. Trust me.

Maybe this is why I'm feeling nostalgic. I love this song.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/drw1100

formspring.me

is bored. Ask me anything @ http://formspring.me/drw1100

Omg I need a life.

This is lame. I want a boyfriend and a bestfriend who is actually there for me and I want **I Will not name him on a public forum** to like me as more than a friend and ask me to the prom. I want to graduate and not have to go to school on Monday and I want to be in college and meet new people who don't have any high school drama following them. This is like the worst weekend ever. Spring break has been a bust it feels like. It has been good, fun, just not what I expected. Is anything ever what I expect or make up in my head?

"what happens happens, and it can't happen anyother way."
A very special person told me this. I'm just tying to live by it.

Xoxo danielle

Spring Break in T-1 day

Soooo

Tomorrow is the last day of school before Spring Break officially begins!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! except i have no plans. I know, I know, I'm a very exciting person.

I guess since I am the only one staying home I could go job hunting. Although the last two times were unsuccessful. But third time's a charm, right?

Any Staycation Ideas people?

Sweet 18

So yesterday, March 5, 2010, was my 18th birthday. I can now vote, smoke, get a tattoo, buy porn and lotto tickets, go clubbing, and go into the over 18 party store in town that's next to the Little Ceasers.

Yikes.

The phone calls were weird. From my family. They were all wow, youre so grown up, and 18, and an adult, time flies, blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
And really all I did was stay home and eat chicken and have a pillow fight and dye my hair (brown, not even hot pink or anything, btw) with my friends. AND IT WAS SOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!. I would almost much rather be a kid, and just do this every weekend.

18 is a huge milestone. But at the same time, I don't feel all that different. Should I? Nothing's really changed, andi I guess this is a good thing, seeing as how the upcoming slow but drastic changes are stressful and anxiety-inducing enough.

I recieved an email from emailcapsules.com yesterday that I had written when I was 16. I wrote it to my self in December of 2008. I'll post it here, so you can see what has changed and what hasn't. The differences amaze me. My mind is so different now. I'm so HAPPY now. And I like that.

Anyway, here it is:
Dear Future Version of Me,
i wrote this on december 21st 2008, in 11th grade.

remember that holly sucks, and get out as fast as you can. lol. really, you can do so much better.

rememer that you are in love with nick jonas, and are more in live with taylor lautner, who in case i forgot, played jacob black in twilight and is barly a month older than myself. remember that the jonas brothers and twilight series are my favorite things in the whole world, but not the most important. these are obsession that are good for me even if they control everthing i do and how i have come to think.

anyway, remember that kaitlyn will always be my best friend, no matter what.

remember, to go back to mr gragg one day and buy the book that he will eventually write. and thank him.

remember that you want so deperately to be editor in chief of seventeen or cosmo girl. this is what your ment to do, no matter what anyone else says. im not sure what college i want to go to now, but trust that i will figure it out and not settle. your better than that.

remember that you liked liked *H*S*M* (NAME ABBRIEVIATED), dont know why but possible boy friend material is all.

remember that boys in hhs are stupid and immature and you can do better and the reason you havent had a bf yet is just high standerds. nothing is wrong with you.

remember life is short, laugh as much as possible,

remember not how you look in photo but why you took it in the first place,

remember to do whats right, dont get caught up in anything that is going to distract you from your goals,

remember that this is really cheesy but true.

xoxo

me at 16

Written at Sun Dec 21, 2008

Different huh? Some will never change though. I can't believe that I thought I would forget TWILIGHT!!!
But some of that advice is really good, and I guess I was pretty mature back then, to give myself that advice and all.

Somethings I hope will never change. And others I can not wait to change. 18. WOW. Not much more to say. Just, wow.

Nightmare!!

Okay, so I had this scary/odd/weird dream lastnight.

I was fast asleep and all of a sudden I was at my graduation cermony. Except our robes were black instead of red. I found this odd, and was asking friends why, but no one answered/payed attention to me. Suddenly the ceremony was starting, and all of my fellow graduates were sitting in place while I was off sitting in a seperate section off to the side, with all the loser pot heads who didn't have robes on. I asked the girl next to me why we were here, and she said we weren't graduating. And I was like WHAT?!?! Then the school counslor was announcing the names, and she didn't say mine. So I went up to her and asked her what was going on, she forgot me. So she was like "oh, and maybe Danielle Weaver" and I was really confused. Then the ceremony was over and all my friends were gone and all the decorations/set up was down and I was alone. Then my mom came up to me and we had to leave, and I asked where the family was and why they weren't here and she said they all were running late or couldn't make it. I was all confused and sad and was going to cry and then I woke up for school. 

The End.

Anyone out there care to analyze this for me? I would like to point out that it is only February 23 and graduation is not till June 4th. WTF is up with the jacked up dream???

Nostalgia

While watching the series finale of Gilmore Girls, again, I began feeling slightly-scratch that- GREATLY nostalgic of my old high school memories and it hit me once again that I am graduating high school. Finally!!! But at the same time, this show reminded me that real life is just around the corner for me, rather than a detached, far off dream that doesn't effect me. It's here, it's real, and it's right around the corner. And as exciting as it is, it's SCARY AS HELL!! I turn 18 in a couple of weeks. and I have only 50 some days of school left.

And with all this advice being thrown at me, enouragments, and adults telling me "wow, 18! You're an adult now!" "Where has the time gone" "Senior year will fly by" and "College is just a few months away, this will be the time of your life, ya know" I just want to scream YES I KNOW OKAY!!! I get it. Don't pressure me, or try to tell me how exciting it is, because I know. I'm feeling it. And I'm worried, and excited, and scared, and pumped, and ready and not ready all at once, so please do not remind me of how consuming these feelings are. For now, can't I just spend time with my friends, be a high school senior, a kid, and nothing more? For now?