I Can Do This.

Cinque Terre, Italy

Hey guys, I'm going to go here.

In May.

So like in 12 weeks.

Yep.

I got accepted to the study abroad program. My dream come true. What I have been working for for two years now. I got accepted.



Now I just need $10,000 to do it. Except there's this problem. I don't have it and have no way to get it other than a loan. I have tried the parent route (they still seem to think I'm joking. Seriously.). I've tried the scholarship route and they must think I must be some strange anomaly because I fit into zero criteria. And the financial aid people must think I am joking too, because apparently my parents make enough to put food on the table so why the hell would I need "aid"? Right.

It doesn't help that my parents have all but completely cut me off and I have around $150 in my bank account right now. And that I have never had to deal with real money before and have no clue what I am doing, and can't pay for even a dinner out with friends but I am expected to go out anyway. Do you know how humiliating it is to have to tell your friends they have to find something free to do and you are broke? To have to sell plasma for basic spending money? Ugh, I hate this constant stress and tension in my mind and body over money. Something so stupid.

School is rough right now too. I feel like I have no time. Every day has something scheduled. But I can handle that. I can handle school stress. I've been handling that for years. I'll get through it. But money stress? That's new territory for me. I will just have to take the same strategy for school stress and apply it here. Don't think too hard about it.

Deep breaths. Focus. Go.

Okay, I will get a private loan. Supplemental FinAid apps are out in March. I will do that. Forget about scholarships and parents. I have approximately $2,000 saved, I am a quarter there. I will get a $9,000 private loan to cover what FinAid won't. This leaves me plenty. I will return from Italy and take extra summer classes here and get a job. Then another school year will begin.

Plan. Go. Nothing else matters or will interfere. Just do it. Stick to the plan, worry about paying off loans later. And most of all remember: You are NOT alone.


(P.S. but if you all would like to make donations, by all means go ahead. kay? thanks bye.

End of the Year Thoughts

I have 6 school days left before the end of my freshman year of college. 6 days. This year has gone by way to fast and in less than 2 weeks I will be on the island all summer, missing my friends, making new ones. I will be working, playing and hopefully have a much more eventful summer than school year. I have done a lot of things and grabbed a lot of opportunities in college that I normally never would have, but I still feel I missed a lot.

I have much to look forward to, and I plan on making the best of it. I will go to Italy to study abroad next summer. I will save half of all of my internship earnings each year and then go backpacking after graduation. I will because I can and I am young. I won't ask my mother for permission, but rather for support because I am an adult (a little lesson I learned from Gossip Girl last night). I can do it. I want to so I will. I just have to make it happen for myself rather than get it handed to me like I normally do. This is something that I have learned this year. That I can do it if I want. I can be independent. And I can not wait for my backpacking trip. :)