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Not everything is lost...

I don't know about you, but i had a great weekend. Some relationships, no matter how broken you think they may be, can be mended. Some relationships never end or change, rgardless of how often you talk or hang out or who you or the other is dating or are friends with.

Good times were had by all. And new shoes were bought. That can make anything better.

Now I am back at school and I am somewhat motivated. I am motivated to work, to go to class, to learn. But not this. This stupid essay. Essays used to be the easiest, most simple, thing in the world for me. Now it's just torture. I hate the fact that I don't seem to be as good as I once was, but the truth is, the profs are just harder on you. I don't know how to step up. I shouldn't fear what was once so easy. I just want this to be done. Honestly, I'm not being a compling baby, but even a small 5 page paper seems daunting when it's on ancient roman short stories that mean absolutly nothing to me. I swear sometimes I think the profs are just pulling these lectures out of their asses and make us do all the analyzing so they have material for the next semester's class. It's a cycle. They have us do their work. It's a conspiricy theory, but hey, those are fun sometimes. ;)

Best Video Ever!!!!

This WILL change your life. Seriously. Boyfriend or not.

Done

I can not be alone with my thoughts right now or I won't be able to sleep. At all.

I am done. So so so done. If you need a friend, act like and be one. I am done with this bullshit. I do not need you, person who shall not be named.

And the sad part is. I know part of this is jealousy as well. I don't condone all of your actions because I still wish I was right there along side you through them. I kind of hate myself for that.

I hate having dumb songs stuck in my head. I can't sleep.

My mind won't shut up. It's trying to dream before I am asleep. It is racing. Making up crazy situations that will never happen. Fantasies. Not all of them the "fun" kind, if you know what I mean. Just my mind in another life. One better than the one I'm in. I should write a novel of all of the stuff I come up with.

I just want some sleep.

So I kinda forgot I had this blog...

Miss me? I dont know how I remembered or why I started again. I think I just wanted to type. Or maybe my unconscience self wanting to get my feelings out. Why don't I catch you, the internet, up on my life. Not that you care. And frankly, why would you? But thats the beauty of the internet. No one cares but we share everything anyway. So literally you can know anything and everything becasue of the internet. It's all our self centered human nature - that we think people care. That's why we have facebook with 400 friends when we only actually talke to 5 of them and twitters where we follow 212 people and only get followed back by 6. And blogs with zero followers and zero that we follow back. It's easier than keeping a dairy and far less cliche and tween-girl of us.  But anyway....

I have graduated and had a whirlwind summer. I think I feel in love. But it was a one way street as I watched him date someone else i cared about greatly. And he broke her heart. I went to college. I went through all the homesickness and the missing old friends, making new friends, and adjusting to a new life. But now I am home on winter break and have had far to much time to think about everything, and put my old life and new life on a scale to compare and contrast. I can't decide which one is better. And I really don't know if either of them are. Is there a third life, after college? my working life. Is that supposed to be the best? People used to say high school would be the best four years. They then said the same about college. Will they say the same about the first four years of working and truly being on my own? Maybe people just keep saying that because they don't really know. We go by increments of four and just keep saying the next four will be the best until we run out...

I just want to do something. Something fun. And exciting. I'm waiting for something in my life to change.. I dont know why by I feel like its going to. Something is gonna happen. What is it? Why do I feel like this? I feel like the post high school nostalgia is coming on so hard right now. Like I'm trying to move on but something is still holding me back. Something is coming. I feel it in my gut. Woman's intuition, right? Is that true? I wish I knew what was coming. I just need a clue about what it is. I need to know. I hate not knowing. That's how I've always been.

Maybe I read to many novels with fantasy or perfect romances or watch to many movies, or daydream too much. Can you day dream too much? Seriously - what is normal, becasue lately I have been questioning why I have such strong vivid inner fantasies going on all the time. Like my mind is literally never in the room I am. I'm waiting for that fantasy to happen. Just one of them. Something to make me feel like being around is worth it. Is something coming to make that happen?

I'm not suicidal or anything, although this obnoxiously long post certainly makes me sound like it. I'm just waiting.

On a side note - Just becasue it's Hannah Montana doesn't mean it's bad. Trust me.

Maybe this is why I'm feeling nostalgic. I love this song.